Silence
by anoushka.natasha.x
Summary: set in the summer between season 3 and 4, my own personal musings of what Buffy may have gone through post break-up with Angel - I always wanted to see how she would handle it in the show, but this'll do haha. happy/satisfying ending... I think so anyway


**I love these two so much, I just had to write something about them. Not sure I like it or not, but it's set maybe in the summer between Buffy's graduation – season 3 and first semester of college – season 4.**

**playlist: Slow Dancing In A Burning Room – John Mayer**

**Love Song For No One – John Mayer**

**Back To You – John Mayer**

**A Breath Of Sunshine – Scary Kids Scaring Kids**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

It had been happening almost everyday, exactly half an hour when she usually finished patrolling. At first she'd thought it was a wrong number and whoever it was had hung up thinking nothing of it. Then she'd started getting wigged out, _maybe_ once or twice with the yelling and threatening. She soon stopped that when she felt the silence on the other end of the phone was an amused silence at her ranting.

Now she just kept the phone to her ear as she did all the usual stuff after a night out on the town, killing bumpy things in the night. Her routine hadn't changed much since she first moved to Sunndayle. The whole time she put away the various weaponry she'd snagged before leaving would be put in her box a la death, grab some sort of processed, saturated high in sugar goodness from fridge or cupboard and make her way upstairs.

She wasn't really certain when she started making sure she was home for these nightly calls. But knew that if she missed one; she'd feel guilty and if there was no call; worried, to the point of freaking out. Sometimes she'd fallen asleep with the phone cradled in her hands, luckily her mom would put it back before she was able to drool all over it.

There was never any sound, which got less and less annoying to her as the calls went on, which was fine with her. It was kinda nice, in a really stalkerish way, that they were both comfortable enough to not fill the gap of their time with words, just knowing each other was there was of the good.

Although, she would swear her clothes she'd heard agitated movement on the other end when she got home just in time once. Drawing in a sharp breath as she picked up the phone, the movement causing her pain, and slowly letting the air hiss out as she delivered her routine "Hey". She felt the need to inform the other party that she was live and still kicking. The nothingness somehow felt a bit lighter which made her smile.

The calls never lasted more than twenty minutes, which was generally how long it took for her to get in bed, and once all tucked and snuggled in she would whisper "Bye..." and the line would be cut off.

It was Buffy's turn to worry when four days in a row and no call, her mom constantly wondering and asking why she was moping around the house with the phone never out of her reach. Finally on the fifth night she determinedly grabbed the phone and dialled the cell number that was seared into her brain. It was answered on the third ring, tears already falling from her welled eyes.

"I'm ok." was the barely audible answer. It was only then that she allowed herself to fully breakdown and cry, no holding back; ick snot and everything. While the person on the other end whispered soothingly in her ear. "It's ok, I'm fine."

"You don't do that to me. Ever again. Capiche?" Buffy managed to choke out of her sobs.

"Well I can't promise you that, it's not possible with our..." He trailed off, the silence once again filling in the gaps. "Yeah." was her weak reply.

Buffy understood then; that was what their 'relationship', whatever it was, consisted of. Heavy silences, that spoke more volumes than their words, bodies or eyes could ever speak. It had always been about the unspoken between them. But she needed him to hear something from her. Maybe for the last time, maybe not. But it needed to be out there, like the big ignored elephant in the corner, it needed addressing.

"I miss you. I love you." Breathing out a sigh, after a pause she closed her eyes and slowly removed the receiver from her ear. Just as her finger hovered over the 'end call' button, she heard a low voice, quickly placing the phone back to her ear.

"I miss you too, everyday I miss you more. And I can't seem to stand it. I will love you forever Buffy. I wish that was enough, I'm sorry."

"I wish it were too and ditto on the sorry thing." She heard a wry chuckle and smiled through her tears that had apparently not stopped. "Hey Angel? Can we... still. Y'know, talk? It helps" The last two words came out as a whisper but she knew he would hear.

"Of course, that is if we actually talk from now on. My phone bill is ridiculous for the amount of non-talking we do." Buffy knew he was trying to make her feel better, which somehow broke her heart and had the desired effect at the same time.

"Hey Angel?"

"Hey Buffy."

She smiled, "It's nice saying your name, it feels good. Right."

"Even better with the reply though right?"

It was her turn to laugh, it felt good. It _was_ right, it would always be them, no matter what. But it was also up to them to maintain whatever relation they had to each other. Filling the silence would be a first step.

**Well, I wrote myself into a corner with the 'Angel had an accident thing' and they actually spoke and got writers block for a while. Sorry if the last part sucked, but do tell me if it did or otherwise.**

**oh, another thing, I haven't watched Buffy in a while and a bit rusty of her speech, sorry if that was also of the bad. coolies :) thanks for reading! x**


End file.
